i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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