fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
