You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
