This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
