Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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