My brain says no but my pants say off.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
