I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
