wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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