I looked at my own cervix.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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