it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
