White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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