And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
