Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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