I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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