Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
