Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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