her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
