As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
