Do you still have your period?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
