To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
