he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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