I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
