Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
