she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
