so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
