My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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