I just saw a hot homeless man
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize