Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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