We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
