you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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