make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize