If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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