U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
