Betty ford says i'm here all night
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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