Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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