Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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