Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
