Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
