He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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