A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize