When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i out mim tonsoeep
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