i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
