I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
