it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i believe in u and ur pee
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
