Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize