i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
