ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He? As in you personified your dick?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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