I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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