I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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