3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize