I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
