When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Terrible idea I love it
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
