Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
