When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
