I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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