What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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