The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
