I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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