Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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