i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
