im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
