I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
