I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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