there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
