I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
How external is "for external use only"?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
