need another drink. this is the easiest way
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
