the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
