All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
