I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
