it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
