Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
