dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This baby is an asshole
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
